


They Remember

by genVicron



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alphys isn't even a psychiatrist but is willing to try her best, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Frisk and Chara need a therapist who will believe them, Frisk prefers ASL to speaking but isn't very good at it when their hands are shaking, Post-Pacifist Route, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, She is not prepared in the least, Therapist and patient relationship, There is lots of hugs and crying, They/them pronouns for Frisk and Chara, This is some next-level Madoka Magica stuff that she did not sign up for
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-14 15:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5748931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genVicron/pseuds/genVicron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frisk is happy with their new life with the family they found down in the Underground, really, they are.  It just gets difficult sometimes, they remember everything.  They don't want to tell anyone about the other timelines, but between worsening nightmares and the insistence of the dead child they're sharing their soul with, they have to talk about it with someone.</p>
<p>Despite her experiences with the Amalgamites, Alphys was not trained for distress of this magnitude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking up to Fire

  Frisk wakes up in a cold sweat, panting and clutching at their chest with the memory of pain, of fire blazing across their entire body. They stay there for a long moment, both glad Chara slept on and wishing they’ll wake up to say something snarky about the whole thing, to help calm their nerves and steady their hands. They don’t try to wake them up, getting out of bed.

  They wander into the kitchen, looking through the fridge to try and find something sweet. They settle on a glass of milk, both afraid of and missing sleep. Turning around they freeze, Toriel stands across the kitchen from them, a patient smile on her face while Frisk tries to keep the fear off of their own.

  “Trouble sleeping again, my child?” She asks, Frisk nods a little shakily, putting their glass on the table so that their trembling hands don’t risk spilling it. Toriel takes a step closer and Frisk can’t do this right now, not with the memory so fresh in their mind. She reaches out a hand and they flinch back, all they can do to avoid jumping away from her.

  Toriel’s hand stops, her face looking stricken, they can’t look her in the eye. “Oh,” she says, taking her hand back. Frisk wants to apologize but words won’t come right now, instead they just sit down at the table, not looking at her. Because of this they don’t notice her coming close until she’s right on top of them, wrapping them in her warm arms.

  There’s a moment of complete terror, they want to lash out, want to scream, they can feel fire catching in their skin, can feel dust collapsing between their fingers and gathering in their hair, but it passes when she makes a soft sort of noise, “it’s okay, no one’s going to hurt you now.” They realize they’ve started hyperventilating and they cling to her arms, shaking and on the verge of tears. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, little one, but know I am here if you ever do need to.” Their throat gets tight, they can’t tell her why they can’t sleep sometimes, this isn’t the first time they’ve flinched when she comes close, but she can’t know, she can’t.

  Frisk is happy with their new life with the family they found down in the Underground, really, they are. It just gets difficult sometimes, they remember everything. So they cling to her, lean back into the hug and wait for their breathing to even out, for the tears to stop, for their hands to stop shaking.

  “ _You made her cry, doofus,”_ a voice sounds in the back of their head, they woke up Chara. _“I was way better at keeping a lid on my issues than you.”_ Frisk has to hold back a snort, Toriel is behind them, holding them in a way that keeps her face out of the way should Frisk decide to start thrashing. They don’t think she learned that just from dealing with Asriel. There’s a slight pulse of offended feelings from Chara’s part of their shared soul that almost makes Frisk chuckle. Chara has a way of helping them feel better without making it look like they care.

  It still takes them a while longer to calm down enough to stop clinging, “your milk is warm,” Toriel says softly, having moved a bit closer when it became clear Frisk wasn’t going to lash out. “Do you want to do something before you go back to bed?” Frisk’s breathing evens out, the tears having stopped a while ago. The panic is gone, the creeping fear that had brought on their nightmares having slunk back into the dark parts of their mind.

  They look up to Toriel, squeezing her arm around them in silent question. She gives a bit of a fond sigh, “yes, you can sleep in my bed tonight.” They give her a small smile, letting go of her arm to drink their milk. It tastes like ash, but everything tastes like that after one of their nightmares so they choke it down, hopping off the chair and grasping at Toriel’s soft hands. She gives them that smile that’s half happy, half sad, even still, it’s comforting, it helps Frisk look her in the eye again.

  The first time Frisk had flinched away from her, they hadn’t been able to look her in the face for almost a week, shame burning in their cheeks whenever she got close. They hadn’t been able to forget the hurt in her eyes when they’d stumbled back. Now though, all it takes for them to be able to look at her again is that sad smile, that says it’s okay, that she understands, even if she doesn’t. They don’t want her to understand.

  It’s not long before they’re snuggled up against her side, letting her warm body comfort them because she’s there, she’s alive, and they’re protected.

  “ _You’re gonna have to tell someone eventually,_ _we made Alphys_ _.”_ Chara whispers, almost reluctantly from the back of their mind. They know that, they just can’t think of who to tell yet. They can’t tell Toriel, they just can’t, they can’t have her look at them and know what they’ve done. It’ll need to be someone who they know will accept them, will understand what being that scared is like. Someone who they know they won’t scare away.

  Someone who knows what it’s like to mess up that badly. As they dose off they try not to decide on someone, someone they can tell that they remember _everything._ They decide to put it off by bringing up the thing that’s made Chara lay off when it comes to this for the last few months. Chara will need to talk too, there’s a pulse of panic from the back of their head, Frisk almost feels smug for a split second, then the panic vanishes, replaced by a familiar, cold determination before the single word response that seals their fate. _Alphys._

  They curl up a little tighter against Toriel’s side, it feels like they might be sick.


	2. What She's Getting Into

  Alphys isn’t exactly a busy monster, never really has been, even when she was involved with some less than savory activities she’d been able to more or less keep her own, rather sporadic, hours. Meaning when she actually does have a scheduled appointment, it tends to slip her mind until the last minute, or it just lose her attention entirely.

  This time though, she made sure to mark down the time and date on every piece of paper she’s likely to look at through the day. The last time Frisk had sounded that, for lack of a better term, resigned, they’d been telling everyone about some very interesting, very influential, and very unverifiable events that had led to the Barrier being broken. She’d felt like they’d been holding some things back, but no one else seemed to think so, so she’d dropped it. This time though, she knows something’s up, they just don’t sound like that normally, so something’s gone wrong, so they’re going to need help, her help specifically. She doesn’t know why Toriel isn’t enough to handle it, but she’s going to do her best nonetheless.

  She jumps a little when she hears the doorbell, smoothing out her spines and looking around to make sure her homestead is presentable. There’s a chemistry kit on one of her kitchen tables, she really should put that away, but her hands always shake when she goes to. It’s been there since Papyrus gave it to her last week, she shakes it off and goes to answer the door, he meant well.

  “Hi, Frisk,” she says, opening it with the best smile she can put up as she greets Frisk, gesturing for them to come inside. “Make yourself comfortable,” she turns to address Toriel, who, since they got to the surface, usually escorts Frisk everywhere. She blinks when she realizes the ex-queen isn’t there.

  Turning to look at Frisk a second her brow creases, she’s not quite sure what this could mean, but she doesn’t like the way it feels. “O-okay, Frisk,” she closes the door and walks over to where they have taken a seat at the table, looking at the chemistry set with a raised eyebrow, “what did you want to talk about?”

  She sits down across from them, the way their expression twitches a little and they clasp their hands together not escaping her. They take a deep breath and start working with slightly unsteady hands, whatever’s the matter, it’s not forcing them to speak out loud, yet. That sets her at ease a little until they’re done signing at her.

  [This is very important, but I need you to promise not to tell anyone what we’re going to talk about yet. I’m not ready, not yet.] They shake their head, Alphys tenses a little and she can’t help but notice how they mirror the movement, [not yet.] She thinks about it for a second, Frisk helped her stop keeping secrets from her friends, now they’re asking her to keep one. Even if it’s just for a little bit they have to realize that’s how it started for her too, right? Tomorrows, turning into next weeks, turning into nevers. She hums to herself as she wonders if that’s not why they’re asking her, they know she won’t let them do that.

  “O-okay,” she says a little shakily, looking back up at them. “But you h-have to tell people soon. Not eventually, soon.” There’s a twitch in their brow but they smile at her, like this is exactly what they wanted to hear from her, yet at the same time not. Their hands are shaking really bad at this point, so she reaches across the table to offer her own as a steadying point, she doesn’t think she’s ever seen their hands shake this bad. There’s always been a slight tremor, but it could always be disguised with movement, they’re almost shuddering now. They grasp her hands gratefully, taking another deep breath, squeezing at her hands and taking theirs away, much steadier now.

  [I don’t know where to start, honestly, there’s a lot.] Alphys blinks and cocks her head a little, [so many things you don’t remember.] They give her a sad sort of look, but there’s an anger in the set of their jaw, it worries her, if they’re going to give her insight into what happened during that blank space in her memory before the Barrier broke it could be bad news.

  “I guess just start with the beginning,” she tries to keep her tone level, this is important, she doesn’t want Frisk to think coming to her was a mistake. Their hands shake harder for a second before they clasp them together again, they open their mouth to speak, this can’t be good.

  “I suppose the beginning is, we’re a We,” she was not prepared for, nor does she have any idea what to make of, that. It must show on her face because Frisk stammers a little, speaking faster than they need to. “I mean, I’m not the only person in my head. Sort of like how sometimes monsters will have more than one head, except I’ve only got one so we’re sort of... sharing, if that makes sense...” They trail off, looking like they’re about to curl in on themself, so she puts up a hand to let them know they don’t have to keep talking just yet.

  “Okay,” she says slowly, thinking over what she’s just been told. That’s pretty normal for some monsters, not so much for others- she almost shudders as she thinks of the Amalgamates- but for humans she knows that’s very not normal. “Who are they?” Frisk’s bow furrows and their hands, still shaking, start working under the table where she can’t see. After a long moment they take another deep breath and hold up their hands, there’s less shaking now but there’s something in the set of their face that’s different, almost hostile.

  [I am Chara,] they sign, making her almost jump in her seat, the tapes, she should have hidden the tapes, they’ve lost it and those tapes gave them an idea. She doesn’t get a chance to respond before something even stranger starts to happen. [This was a bad idea, we should go, we saved before we called her, let’s just go.]

  “You’re the one who said it had to be her, and that we have to,” Frisk says, their face having smoothed out from the clenched jaw and narrowed eyes it had displayed before.

  [I was wrong, we need to go back.] Frisk shakes their head and opens their mouth to say something again but this is a bit too much for Alphys, so she preempts them by clearing her throat, taking a deep breath so she can speak.

  “Chara, as in Asgore and Toriel’s adopted child?” They nod meekly and Alphys has to steel herself, “their _dead_ adopted child?” Another nod, she has to sit back in her seat, staring up at the ceiling. She doesn’t think Frisk would lie about something like that, but they have been through a lot, even if they’re human there’s no guarentee that they made it out of the Underground with their sanity completely intact.

  She looks back down and feels her gaze firm up from the disbelieving shock she’d felt a second ago. Stranger things happened towards the end down there, and this is Frisk she’s talking about, the person who stood up to a literal god, who helped her though it when she thought she was lower than dirt. If they can afford her the benefit of the doubt, can trust her with this, she can extend the same courtesy. “How did this happen?” The way their face both lights up and falls at the question is strange, like they’re overjoyed that she believes them, but terrified to explain. She doesn’t quite know what to make of it.

  Their hands make a rather rude gesture seemingly directed towards themself but they hardly seem to notice, looking down at their hands, which have started to shake harder and back up at her, their brow knit in silent question, she offers her hands and Frisk takes them gratefully. It takes a couple false starts but they speak again.

  “It’s hard to explain, complicated,” they start, “I suppose, what do you know about SAVEs?” She crooks an eyebrow, unsure why they put so much emphasis on that word. “I guess not much. That’s okay, we don’t understand much about them either, just that we can use them. Sans knows more,” that gives her pause. Sans? If Sans knows about this, why hasn’t he said anything? “Basically, they’re points in time you can go back to if you mess up or...” they shudder, “die. You LOAD the SAVE and try again, like a video game.” She does not like where this is going at all. “There are two types of SAVE, sort of little ones, that you can write over to make new SAVEs, and an absolute, that you can only access by RESET.”

  “Wait, Reset, like, back to the beginning, how far back does that go?” She’s having trouble believing this, it seriously messes with some commonly accepted knowledge about time if it’s true, but she promised herself she’d give them the benefit of the doubt, so she’s taking them at face value at the moment. They pause, like they’re arguing with themself before swallowing.

  “That one goes all the way back to when I first fell,” they say, almost like a guilty admission. “Before Toriel found me.” That raises a whole new slue of questions, could they access that now, have they tried to access it before, did they succeed, why that point? She decides to start with the a question that she feels is probably the reason they’re telling her this.

  “Have you ever used one?” She asks, searching their face, they look away from her, taking their hands back, “Frisk, have you LOADED?” They nod softly and Alphys feels her jaw start to go slack before she catches it, not wanting to believe what she knows is coming. “Why?” They give her a look that’s all the answer she needs, a mix of anger, fear, and reluctant pain. Her jaw really goes completely slack this time, she is nowhere near qualified to deal with this, her claws come up to cover her mouth, she feels like she might be sick. “Oh god,” she breathes and it’s all she can do not to try and leap across the table to wrap them in a hug, call Toriel, and bundle Frisk up in as many blankets as she can find. “I’m- I’m so sorry.”

  They stare at her a moment, their face a blank mask as their hands shake with growing intensity, they obviously don’t like thinking about this. “G-give me a second,” she says, deciding it’s not really worth the restraint and stands up, walking over to Frisk and giving them an attempt at a comforting pat on the shoulder before walking past. They said not to tell anyone about this, and she can see why, so she can’t call Toriel, but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t do something.

  She activates her bed first, the mattress unfolding from its stored cube version, and gathers up as many blankets as she can find, returning to Frisk before it even really registers to her that she should probably ask before just scooping them up. “I-is it alright if I,” she holds up one of the blankets, “you know?” Their stone expression shifts between surprise and gratitude for a second before they nod, the shaking in their hands starting to work its way up their arms.

  She wraps no less than three blankets around Frisk’s steadily more and more shivery form before picking them up. She’s not made for heavy lifting, but she’d never forgive herself if she made them walk right now and they’re not really all that heavy. She puts them down on her bed and climbs up onto it with them, sitting in front of them and wrapping them in a hug on top of the blankets. “I’m so sorry,” she repeats, she hears their breath catch like they’re holding back a sob, it’s a sound she knows well. “You d-don’t have to hold back, that’s g-got to hurt.”

  They cling to her and she can feel the exact moment they let go, holding her tight, burying their face in her collar and screaming with all their might. Even muffled as it is by the fact that their face is pressed against her coat, it’s still loud enough to make her ears ring a little but she doesn’t let herself react beyond just squeezing them a bit tighter. Once the shout tapers off they start to sob against her, crying in her arms as she brings up one of her hands to stroke through their hair, they almost seem relieved behind the sounds of long-restrained emotion.

  It’s a little odd to see them like this for her, the entire time she’s known them they’ve been so strong, quiet for a child, but solid, unyielding, seemingly invincible. There was always that slight tremble in their hands, but it was always easy to write that off as childish energy or impatience. The only time she could think of when there’d been a crack in their solid appearance had been when they’d talked about what had happened to open the Barrier, and even that had felt more like sorrow for Flowey’s fate than anything else.

  She’s left to wonder if Frisk has ever really let go before, even with Toriel, their muffled cries sound a long time coming. She of all people knows how painful secrets can get to keep, how scared they can make someone, but this is on an entirely different level. How can someone _die_ and keep all of this bottled up, a child no less? Her invincible image of them is shattered, but she thinks the image that’s taking its place is stronger.

  She doesn’t speak again until she feels their sobs decreasing in intensity. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she says softly. She knows she made them promise to tell, but this is something that she feels is going to take some serious time for them to be comfortable talking about. They shake their head against her chest.

  “N-no, we need to, there are nightmares, sometimes we can’t even look mom in the eye.” She blinks a little, there’s no way Toriel of all people is responsible for one of those LOADs. Why would they want to stay with her if she had killed them? The “we” is interesting too, but compared to Frisk being killed, having a long dead child piggybacking in their head is easy to believe. “We need to tell someone, we can’t just let it sit in our head anymore.” Alphys nods, she can definitely understand that.

  “Okay, take your time,” she says softly, cradling them in her arms. She knows she’s not as fluffy, warm, or maternal as Toriel is, but she hopes she’s enough to help give them something to steady themself with. “You don’t have to tell me everything right away either, if you feel like we should stop just say so.” It’s taking a serious effort to keep her voice from shaking or stuttering, but she feels like it’ll be worth it. “We can do this another day if you r-really need time to think,” damn it.

  They nod against her chest, taking long, shuddering breaths, clinging to her a little tighter. They hold each other like this for what feels like a long time, but Alphys isn’t particularly interested in looking at a clock right now, just letting Frisk take their time. They sniffle a bit as they pull away from her chest, pushing at her a couple times before she gets the hint and loosens her grip on them, “oh, sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” they shake their head a little, “I-I think we’re ready.” Alphys takes a deep breath to steady and prepare herself for this in the same moment Frisk takes one of their own, the moment of solidarity making them both giggle a little. Now that she knows to look, she thinks she can pick out Chara pulling at their face, almost managing to roll Frisk’s eyes at the two of them. That’s gonna take some getting used to. “It started right after I fell, really.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter's gonna be really long, so it might take me a while to get it out, sorry.


	3. Session 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk tells Alphys about their fist run, it's about as hard as they expected it would be.
> 
> Alphys doesn't want to believe them, but it's hard to deny something happened when the victim's crying against your chest.

  When Frisk finishes their session with her, Alphys feels like she should be concerned about how vividly they remember everything. This first time though, it’s welcome, it helps her put herself in their shoes a bit more.

  “Th-the first time I woke up in the Ruins, I was alone, Chara was sort of there, but they weren’t awake like they are now.” They wring their hands together a bit, “they felt like I was being watched, not like someone to talk to, you know?” Alphys brow furrows a little bit, she doesn’t, she doesn’t think she can, but she gives a little nod. “Flowey tried to trick me,” they huff, “said his bullets were ‘Friendliness Pellets’.” Alphys huffs, part in disbelief that he’d tried to do that to a child, and part at how ridiculous his wording had been.

  It makes Frisk give a weak sort of chuckle, “yeah, that’s about how I reacted too. I actually had to roll my eyes at him before he figured out I’d caught on, then he... well you saw at the Barrier.” She has to stop herself from squeezing them again, they’re on a sort of roll and she doesn’t want to trip them up. If she ever sees that flower again, she doesn’t care if he opened the Barrier, she’s going to give him a good zap. “But Toriel saved me before he could really do anything to me, so that’s good.” They shift a bit under the blankets in a way that makes her think that maybe they don’t feel it was that good, she blinks.

  They didn’t trust Toriel very much in the Ruins, they keep talking about how worried they were that anything she did was going to be another trick, which makes Alphys wonder when the seemingly unconditional trust they seem to have in her most of the time now came from. They laugh a little bit when they tell her how calling Toriel mom had just sort of burst out of them but skim over much of their trip through the Ruins without her. They met Napstablook, that was one of their stranger encounters, but ultimately they hadn’t been in much danger.

  Their expression falls when they tell her about making it to Home. It makes Alphys cock her head as they tremble in her arms again. “She was really impressed with me for making it through the ruins without getting hurt,” their smile wavers before falling entirely. “I thought it was a little creepy that she had a room ready for me, but it was a nice room, and she was nice. She cares, you know? She cares a lot.” They look away from Alphys, their hands almost making to reach for her again before sliding back under the blankets, probably to hide how they’re shaking.

  “She tried to stop me from leaving, I didn’t really want to leave, I just wanted to know what was outside the Ruins, if there was any way out at all.” They curl in on themself and Alphys gives in to the urge to hold them a little tighter. “I don’t like feeling trapped,” she nods at them. “She made me fight her,” Alphys breath catches and her eyes go wide. She didn’t- Toriel wouldn’t have hurt them, would she? “She tried to trap me, so I fought back,” they’re starting to hyperventilate, so she holds them a bit tighter and strokes their hair again, letting them curl up against her chest. What they say next shocks her into complete stillness.

  “I remember how it felt when she died.” Alphys nearly chokes on air, “I remember everything.” Their voice is small and vacant sounding, like they’re not quite there in their head right now. She stares down at the child shaking against her chest, Frisk killed Toriel? That just wasn’t possible, she can’t reconcile the image of Frisk in her head with the deed they’re confessing to. “She gave a speech, I wasn’t paying attention, I was holding onto her robe. It was an accident,” they almost sound desperate now, like they’re begging for her to forgive them. “I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t supposed to be that easy.”

  Their voice starts to rise again and she loosens her grip just a tad in case they start to lash out. Normally she wouldn’t even consider that a possibility, but she never would have thought Frisk would ever even dream of hurting Toriel either. “She was supposed to _survive_ , she was supposed to give up and unlock the door, she was supposed to show me what was outside and then we could go back upstairs and finish the pie. She wasn’t supposed to turn to dust!” They’re shaking almost uncontrollably now, and Alphys believes them, tightening her arms around them again.

  There’s a long moment where they keep trying to say something but it won’t come, their lips won’t form the words, their hands shaking too badly for them to even try to sign. “Sh-she wasn’t s-supposed to get in my hair, she wasn’t supposed to get all over my clothes, she-” There’s a shift and they suddenly stop, their body going rigid against Alphys for a moment before they push away from her all at once.

  She lets go in shock, her eyes wide. She feels like she might cry, like she might be sick. Frisk’s face is set differently, their jaw clenched and their eyes open wider than usual yet still seeming narrowed at her.

  “They need a minute,” the voice is the same, but the tone and inflections are so different it almost feels alien. This must be Chara, “they couldn’t leave the Ruins for a while after that. It might have been a couple days, we’re not sure, they were too freaked out to keep track of time.” They pause for a second to kick themself out of the blankets and wrap their arms around their legs, seeming to prefer their own arms to the confining blankets. “They never finished the pie.” Alphys looks them over a moment, they hold themself with more of a hunch to their shoulders than Frisk does, almost like they’re trying to disappear between them, trying to escape notice by keeping their head down.

  “What about you,” she asks, not moving to close the distance, Frisk likes to be close to people, Chara seems to like their space. They look up at her and blink.

  “What _about_ me?” They almost seem offended that she’d ask, curling up a bit tighter, their face is difficult to read but if she didn’t know better she’d say that they’re leaning towards her a bit. Maybe they don’t really want to be left be.

  “She was your mother too,” she says softly, moving a tiny bit closer. They narrow their eyes at her again and let out a laugh. They’re smiling, but it doesn’t reach their eyes, their eyes seem on the edge of panic.

  “Ask me that again in twenty RESETs.” Their eyes drift closed and they bury their face against their knees, leaving Alphys to let her jaw drop again. Twenty? How may times did they go through all of this? How many times did she watch them through her cameras? How may times did she see them die, helpless to do anything behind her screens? She has to swallow heavily to stop the feeling of bile working its way up her throat. She doesn’t think she can do this. She doesn’t want to know this.

  She can see the exact moment Frisk takes back the wheel, their shoulders come down and the soft trembling gets worse, not so bad their hands won’t work anymore but still a marked difference. The set to their brow, all she can see of their face, softens. She shakes her head again, the two of them don’t have a choice about knowing it. They lived it, are still living it. Besides, she knows exactly what she would have done if her friends had told her to keep quiet when she told everyone about the Amalgamites. It’s not something she likes to think about.

  She can do this, she can know, for Frisk. She picks up one of the blankets and offers it to them. They take it and drape it around their shoulders, sniffling a little.

  “Do you wanna stop?” She asks softly, flicking the tip of her tail back and forth to work off some of the nervous energy their story has worked up in her. They shake their head and hold up a finger, they just need another few seconds. She nods, wringing her hands together a moment before setting them on either side of where she’s sitting, she wants to keep herself open, in case Frisk needs someone to hold onto again. They hold up their hands and start signing, that’s a good sign, their hands are steady enough for that again.

  [Sans was a godsend the first time,] they give an almost bitter little smile. [I needed a good laugh after what happened with mom. I thought I was going to choke on it when he got me with the whoopee cushion.] They pause for a long moment, the paper-thin smile they’d worked up sliding off their face. [Right then, I think I would have been okay with that.] Alphys offers one of her hands, intimately familiar with that sort of feeling.

  Frisk looks at the hand for a moment before grasping it with both of theirs, squeezing it and taking their hands back. [He was always good for helping us pull ourselves back together.] They nod, a shudder seeming to go through them. Alphys is struck with the question of why they aren’t talking to him about this again. It only takes a couple seconds of thought while they gather themself for her to decide that he probably wouldn’t take it seriously, he rarely takes anything seriously.

  They give an amused chuckle before they start signing again, [Papyrus was confusing the first time around. I’d never seen anyone who was so okay with who they are before him, it was weird, but good.] Alphys doesn’t think she’s ever heard such an apt description of Papyrus. [He’s just so much fun to be around, you know? I didn’t get him, but I couldn’t stop smiling when he was around.] They look like just talking about him was doing wonders for their mood, the tremor in their hands steadying again for just a moment.

  Their hands stop for a long moment, their brow creasing and mouth twisting into a grimace, their hands stay still though, they’re obviously still not comfortable talking about this, but it’s getting a little better. They point to another one of the blankets and she gives it to them for them to put it on top of the other one. Their hands are trembling again, they look a little queasy, but it’s nowhere near as bad as when they talked about killing Toriel. Alphys wants to say something, but feels like doing so right now would be interrupting, her tail swishes against the sheets a little again.

  They take a deep breath before holding their hands up again. [I remember dying for the first time.] Alphys breath catches and she has to stop herself from letting out a noise of distress, she’s been dreading hearing about this from the second they said it happened. [It was Dogamy and Dogaressa. They-] their hands stop working, not shivering, but frozen, like Frisk has just stopped entirely.

  “Y-you don’t hav- have to-” she starts but they take a sharp breath and motion for her to stop talking. She does so without protest as they take a couple more deep breaths.

  [They hacked me to pieces.] Alphys almost gags at the image her mind conjures up for her upon hearing that. [They were just doing their job, but they chopped me up and it _hurt_. It hurt so bad.] Their entire body is trembling again, it must be taking a lot of effort for them to keep their hands steady enough to sign. Alphys moves closer, unable to restrain herself from trying to scoop them up again. She can’t even imagine what that must have been like, she doesn’t think she wants to.

  They hold up their hands for her to stop and she does, watching as they turn around so their back is to her and scoot back so she can hug them without restraining their hands. She wraps her arms around their middle and pulls them in close, feeling them shudder and take heavy breaths against her chest. [I don’t think I can forget what it felt like to die the first time. I’ve tried, I don’t think anyone could, but the first time was one of the worst just because it _happened_.] Their shaking gets worse and she brings up one of her hands to stroke through their hair again.

  They close their eyes for a moment, their face a mask of remembered pain and, she’s not quite sure but that looks like regret. [But I came back. I didn’t know how, but I came back and I was so angry. I couldn’t believe they’d done that to me. I wanted to think it was a dream, but I couldn’t shake how it felt, it wasn’t fading like a dream, I could still feel an ax in my stomach and it pissed me off.] There’s a part of Alphys that’s sort of gone numb that says she should tell them to watch their language, but she doesn’t, they’ve earned some dirty language if nothing else.

  [So I killed them back.] She has to stop herself from choking on air again, when they’d said they’d killed Toriel they’d sounded almost hollow, like they still couldn’t believe they’d done it. The look on their face is almost vicious now, their body tensed against her chest. Toriel had been an accident, this time it was very deliberate. [I pounded them to dust and then I kept going, I scattered them off the cliff.] Their face softens again and they slump against her, their hands hesitant as they sign out the next few words, [and it felt good. Revenge felt good and when I was done I looked at the sweaters they’d left behind. Then it didn’t feel good at all. Then it was scary, I’d killed them and felt good about it. That’s so wrong, that’s something bad guys do, that’s the sort of thing they say villains are irredeemable for.]

  Alphys almost has to force herself to relax, those two are alive, she talked to Dogamy last week even. Whatever Frisk did, they didn’t do it this time. [I called Toriel,] she raises an eyebrow at that, [I knew she wouldn’t answer, but I felt like I had to. I left her a voicemail, apologizing for killing her, for killing Dogamy and Dogaressa. It helped me feel better, keep moving. I promised never to do it again. I promised I wouldn’t hurt anyone.] They stop again, their hands settle in their lap and they curl up a little. Alphys brow creases and she squeezes them, “I promised...” She gets the definite feeling that they didn’t keep that promise.

  Frisk doesn’t sign or say anything else for a long moment, breathing deep, their eyes closed tight. Alphys still doesn’t dare break the silence, trying to process what she’s been told and waiting for them to continue. She can already tell this is going to get a lot worse. She looks at her hand still stroking through Frisk’s hair and realizes she’s sweating rather badly, her claws trembling. She’s actually fidgeting quite a bit now that she thinks about it. She takes a deep breath to try and steady herself, it doesn’t help much.

  Frisk isn’t shaking so bad anymore but they’re still shivering every few seconds like there’s a draft under those blankets. [The anger never really went away,] they finally start again. [Even when I was fighting Papyrus, every time I got hit I had to stop myself from hitting back. He beat me the first time and it felt like my chest would burst I was so mad.] They give a calmer smile, it actually reaches their eyes this time and Alphys relaxes, she’d been worried for a second, if Frisk of all people could be a killer, she wasn’t putting it past Papyrus, but it doesn’t look like they’re going to say he killed them.

  “He- he didn’t.... you know?” She has to be sure. They look up at her with that little smile and shake their head, her grip on them loosens and she can’t help the sigh of relief that escapes her.

  [Papyrus was the first monster to show me mercy.] They let out a sigh and settle against Alphys’ chest again. [I woke up in his shed, sure stuff hurt, but I’d been used to that for a long time, even then. I was alive though, confused about that, but alive. I laughed so hard I cried. I’d been so scared, so much of that anger is just fear.] She blinks and holds them a little tighter, “is” doesn’t bode well. [I didn’t even try to open the door until my hands stopped shaking. It was easier that time, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, not really. I had fun.] They sigh a little, seeming to have relaxed a bit.

  They give an almost bitter chuckle, [I didn’t take him up on his offer to hang out that time. I figured he’d already called Undyne and didn’t want to risk running into her. So I just kept going.] They shift against her, like they’re trying to squeeze in closer and she obliges a little by hugging them tighter. They put their hands down and grab at one of her arms, not shivering so much anymore, but still feeling unsure of themself.

  They start speaking out loud again and they sound _tired,_ like just sitting up would probably be too much for them. It makes her let out a little noise and bring up her arm around their stomach to provide a little more support. “When I first got to the Waterfalls, I spent a long time standing underneath one. It was warm, it’s not coming down as fast as you’d think either. It felt good to wash away the-” their voice stops working for a second with a choked sort of sound that Alphys can’t help but mirror- “the dust, from Toriel, from Dogamy and Dogeressa.”

  They stop again, seemingly by choice this time, and let out a heavy sigh. “I knew their names, even then. I don’t know how I knew their names, I hadn’t asked, I just knew them.” They curl around her arm a bit, “I knew them even though it hurt to know, even though it made my hands shake so bad I would probably have dropped my weapon if it wasn’t the gloves.” Alphys can’t help but swallow nervously knowing that had been a pretty high priority for them at one point.

  “Y-you didn’t want to g-get rid of them?” She asks, “I-I would have wanted to get r-rid of them.” She really would have, she doesn’t think she would have been able to stomach the sight of something she’d used to kill someone, she could hardly get near the DT Extractor for the longest time.

  “Yeah, I did, but I felt like I needed them. I replaced them soon though, so at least I didn’t have to carry them around for the entire rest of that run.” They don’t sound particularly happy about that, but they don’t seem like they’ll be happy about much of anything they’re about to talk about.

  They take another deep breath, looking around for a second, “seeing Undyne for the first time was... really scary. I couldn’t stop thinking, ‘Papyrus wanted to turn me over to _that’_?” Alphys nods, she thinks Undyne’s armour is really cool, but to a child, lost and alone, she’d be terrifying. “I figured I’d made a good choice, not staying in Snowdin any longer.” They shiver against her, “she only got worse after that.”

  They shake their head like they’re trying to shake the topic out. “MK was fun, kinda. It was fun to watch him run around, all excited about everything, but then he’d say something about Undyne and how she was gonna knock my block off.” Alphys snorts, she actually remembers watching him do something like that, “it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know, but I hoped he’d notice how bad he was freaking me out. He didn’t, I didn’t really expect him to. I probably would have felt bad if he did.”

  Alphys braces herself a little, the Frisk she’d seen had dodged around Undyne’s spears with the sort of agility she’d only ever seen in Anime before, knowing how they knew where everything was going to come from now, she is not looking forwards to hearing about how it happened the first time. “The first time, I didn’t even pay attention to where I was going when Undyne tracked me down. I was just scared, running was the only thing I could do, so I ran. Did you know all the water in the lower end of the Marsh is all the same colour as her spears?” Frisk makes a choked sort of noise and Alphys loosens her grip, muttering an apology.

  They look up at her and blink for a moment, looking almost surprised at her reaction, “it’s okay... should I stop?” Now it’s her turn to blink at them. She has to stop herself from agreeing to stop right then, she knows they’re close to when Undyne confronted Frisk properly and she doesn’t want to hear about that, but she shakes her head.

  “N-no, you n-need to say it, right?” They cock their head and she thinks she can see the corner of their lip tugging up a little, she’s pretty sure she’s shaking pretty bad, but she’s not going to let that stop her. “I’m- I’m here for you.” She gives them a considerably softer squeeze, mindful of her claws this time.

  “Thanks,” they smile, she thinks she can see Chara try to roll Frisks eyes at them again.

  They hum to themself a moment, seeming to try and remember where they left off before holding up their hands again, seems like they’re feeling okay enough to sign again. [I was really tired, so I found a secret sort of corner with some grass to take a nap in, it wasn’t the best sleep I’ve ever had, but I felt better when I woke up. Onionsan was, well, Onionsan, she really helped with my nerves, and then I met Shyren.]

  They chuckle a bit, [she was a lot of fun, humming with her, performing for the Waterfall, I forgot what I was afraid of for a bit. I wish I could have spent more time with her while we were down there, and that she wasn’t so busy now, but I guess that’s just how things go, huh?] They deflate a bit, [I guess I didn’t really deserve it that time,] Alphys starts slipping her fingers through their hair again, trying to calm the shudders she can feel starting again in them.

  They huff a little before continuing, she feels like they’re probably stalling at this point, trying not to talk about their confrontation. [I wasn’t really sure if I should have been scared of hitting the ground or glad that Undyne wasn’t going to spear me when she knocked me off the bridge. I didn’t land great, could have been worse, but I think it jostled Chara loose a little, cause I saw a little of their life, and I could have sworn I heard them sniffling. They swear they didn’t, but I don’t think they were awake enough to really tell right then.

  [Mad Dummy was a tricky fight, I didn’t hit back though, didn’t let myself get mad, I knew it wouldn’t do any good anyways, you can’t really hit a ghost with ballet shoes, I don’t think.] Their brow creases, [Blooky came and saved me, it was kind of on accident, but it was still nice to see them again. Sorta. I didn’t have the nerve to visit their house though, he had to know what happened to Toriel, right? He was in the Ruins when it happened. I don’t know. I didn’t go to his house that time.]

  They shake a bit more, but their lips tug up in a sort of half-smile. [In almost every timeline, MK fell off of that bridge. There were a couple times that I ran, once where I just watched, but that time I couldn’t just let him fall. I was so scared, but I still pulled him back up, I kept thinking Undyne would stab me in the back while I did it, but she didn’t.] Their smile reaches their eyes and they seem to relax in her arms, though they’re still trembling a bit. [I couldn’t believe it when he stood up to her, his hero, he made his hero turn and run. I gave him the biggest hug I think I’d given anyone. It felt good to have a friend, I felt like I could do anything, take on anyone.]

  Their smile falls all at once, even the trembling stops. [I had never been so wrong about anything in my entire life.] They stay perfectly still, staring off into space. “It’s funny,” they mutter, “I remember everything, but why should I? What happened in those other runs isn't even really important, none of it means anything in this timeline, but it's not going away, it should go away.” They curl up against her, “I don't wanna remember.”

  Alphys sighs and squeezes them a bit, she’s got her fair share of things she’d like to forget she saw or did, seems like not even time travel is enough to get rid of bad memories. “Undyne killed me,” it’s said so plainly, like it’s so obvious, that Alphys doesn’t react to it for a second. “She killed me and she wouldn’t stop,” that time she reacts, pulling the blankets tighter around them. “Over, and over, and over.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers, she doesn’t want to interrupt but she feels like someone should tell them. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I didn’t fight back,” they say it like an apology, like a plea for her to understand and she knows that didn’t last. “I couldn’t, I _refused_ for so long. I didn’t even keep track at first, of how many times she killed me, they hurt, but I had to keep going, I couldn’t let her stop me, I couldn’t be caged.” They take a shuddering breath, a hand clutched at the blankets over their chest. Alphys can’t help but wonder how many times they felt Undyne’s spears pierce there.

  They take a deep breath, forcing themself to keep talking. “I actually did give up for a little bit, but there was something, I don’t know if it was from me or Chara, maybe both, that made me go back. That’s when I started keeping track of all the times she made my chest fill with blood. The times it hit just right so it didn’t even hurt,” Alphys can feel them both shaking harder as Frisk speaks, Frisk clinging to the blankets and Alphys clinging to them for dear life. “The times when-” their voice gives out a second and they cough to recover it, it almost sounds like a sob, “-when I got so scared I slipped up, or it hit wro-wrong and I just c-couldn’t move, laying there in my own blood, forced to sit there and wait to either bleed out or for her to put a spear through my head! ...Those were the worst ones.”

  They’re clutching their head now, shaking and heaving with their breaths. Alphys wants to curl up around them, wants to make them a suit of armour, wants to do _something_ so nothing like that can ever happen to them again. She opens her mouth to speak but Frisk cuts her off. “I called Toriel again, asked her what I should do, I could hardly breathe, I was so scared, and it hurt, and I knew she _wasn’t coming!_ ” They break down and a full sob comes from them, curled up tight in their ball of blankets.

  “Hey,” Alphys says, chocking back a sob of her own as she picks them up to turn them around, to let them curl up against her chest, to give them someone to cling to, or something solid to keep themself grounded, “i-it’s o-over now, Frisk. It’s over a-a-and it- and it won’t e-ever happen again.” She’s not quite sure who she’s assuring herself of that. “It’s over, it’s over,” she repeats as they cry against her chest, wrapped up tight in the blankets and her arms.

  A part of her wants to deny it ever happened, wants to call Frisk a liar, say that Undyne’s their friend and would never. Yet she knows, before Frisk visited the ex-guard captain’s house, Undyne would have killed them without hesitation, no matter how many tries it took.

  “T-twenty four times,” they gasp against her chest, “that I kept track of, I don’t- I don’t know how many before that.” Alphys can’t help the whimper that comes from her, bringing up a hand to slide through Frisk’s hair again. “Even though I begged her not to, called for help. My hands kept shaking worse an-and worse every time, over, and over. She killed me _twenty four times_.”

  They finally stop clinging to the blankets and hug Alphys back, clinging to her with all their might, “and- and then I got mad. I got so angry with her. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking, even when I picked up a new weapon, while I was getting ready, and it was her fault.” They take a sharp breath and bury their face in Alphys’ coat again. “A-and I decided, if she wouldn’t st-stop, I would _make_ her.”

  Their hands cling tight to her labcoat for a second before loosening, like they’re waiting for her to push them away, part of her wants to, knows what they’re about to say, but she can’t find it in her to do it. “I-it wasn’t _fair_ , I didn’t want to, I promised I wouldn’t do it again and she made me! I just wanted her to stop, I wanted her to let me go, I didn’t want to break my promise.” They sniffle against her coat, it’s probably got a good snot stain in it now, wouldn’t be the first one.

  They take a long breath, obviously trying to calm back down, “th-the worst part was that she wouldn’t just die. She kept getting back up, I had to k-kill her over and over, just like she’d done to me. I wasn’t even really what ended up killing her, she melted, right in front of me,” Alphys can’t hold back the gag that catches in her throat at that, she knows what that looks like, imagining it happening to Undyne... she thinks she might need a minute. “I couldn’t figure out why that happened until... well, you were the one that explained it to me.”

  They tense in her arms again, still holding themself against her in a way that’ll let her push them away at any time. She’s pretty sure the only thing keeping her from doing that is the fact that they seem to expect it to happen, they know what they’re saying is horrifying, that’s why they haven’t told anyone. She wouldn’t be able to look them in the eye if she did what a part of her wants to do, and she needs to prove herself worthy of the trust they’re putting in her not to. “I hated it, I hated me for doing it, but it was better than letting her spear me again.”

  They look up at her and she can see their remorse for a second, before their face starts to light up. “Then I met you,” they sound relieved, whether it’s because she hasn’t pushed them away or because of what she did the first time around she can’t quite tell. “I- I didn’t really know what to make of you at first, I really thought the next person I met would be trying to avenge Undyne, but you didn’t attack me. You were looking forwards to meeting me, even though you knew what I’d done to Dogamy and Dogeressa... I thought it was a trick.”

  There’s a tug on their lips in the other direction, their eyes don’t quite reflect it, so she thinks that might have been Chara, why, she’s not sure. “Mettaton, well, he followed the script, was a jerk, kept asking impossible questions, but even the first time you gave me the answers, and I knew you were really on my side. You wanted to help, and I wanted to give you the biggest hug of your life. I don’t think I’d laughed since Snowdin, and you made me.”

  “R-really?” Alphys is shocked, wondering if Frisk really experienced the full 180 in mood that they’re both showing and claiming. She’s nothing that special, hell, all of that was a show anyways. “I-I didn’t really do m-much, it was all fake anyways!”

  “But you were on on _my side_.” They beam up at her, wrapping their arms tight around her now that it’s clear she’s not going to push them away. “You were the first monster to really be on my side. Even Toriel tried to stop me, even Papyrus fought me, but not you. You just wanted to be part of my story, you wanted to help me escape.” Their face starts to fall again, but not too much, “you ran off before I could thank you, but I promised not to hurt anyone again, for you this time, you gave me someone to be accountable to, I didn’t want to disappoint you.” Alphys can’t help the blush that’s working its way onto her face.

  “O-oh, w-well, I’m glad I w-was able to help you stay on the st- the straight and narrow.” She chuckles nervously, still a little unnerved by the shift in tone the conversation has taken, but feeling flustered is a lot better than horrified in her opinion, so this is improvement. They bury their face against her chest again.

  “I still felt sick when I found out you hadn’t watched me fight Undyne,” they mutter. “I knew it was probably too much to ask, but I hoped you’d never find out what happened.” Now that she’s had a bit of a breather from how intense their first fight with Undyne had been, she can look at this a bit more rationally, Undyne is here, she’s alive, and it really sounds like Frisk payed their due for killing her and more even before they did it. There’s a part of her that wanted to be angry at them, but looking at what happened, she can’t really get herself to.

  They seem to have relaxed a lot, talking like this is a really fond memory, she’s still a little baffled by how much of an impact she had on them. “I remember seeing you outsmart Mettaton, reading you putting yourself down on the Undernet, even with all the repeats I never could figure out what to say back. I couldn’t believe how much fun everything was when I knew someone had my back, was watching out for me.” She cracks a bit of a smile and starts running her fingers through their hair again. “It was nice to have an ally, to be able to think, ‘Alphys will save me’ when Mettaton kept trying to kill me.

  “I-I don’t really think I can thank you enough for helping me down there. So, yeah, thanks.” They take a deep breath and nuzzle against her chest a bit. Alphys can’t help but smile at them again, letting out a sigh of relief, there’s something reassuring about seeing them smile again after hearing everything they’ve been through.

  They start signing again when they stop squeezing her tight, leaning back a little. [Seeing you lose control of things in the Core was not a good feeling. It was all wrong, and you’d been doing so well, even with how hard it was just for you to pick up the phone and call me, but you did it anyways, you tried to keep helping me through. You got me to the point where you wouldn’t even have had to help me anymore anyways, so even then you were great.]

  Their brow furrows a bit and that hint of a snarl from earlier comes back. [I started getting angry again, whoever was making things harder for you was going to have some serious explaining to do.] Alphys’ breath catches for a second, worried that Frisk might have killed both of her closest friends that time.

  Their brow smoothes out and she thinks she’s probably in the clear for now, they seemed panicked when they talked about killing someone. [I felt a little betrayed, just for a second, when Mettaton told me it had all been an act.] She shifts a little uncomfortably, [but just for a second.] She blinks, cocking her head a bit, they’re smiling again. [It didn’t matter that you’d put things in my way, because they’d been fun, and you’d helped me. When I thought of it that way, I actually felt a little better knowing I’d never been in any danger.

  [It was Mettaton who’d wanted to hurt me, and you too. I was ready to flatten him even further with the burnt pan by the time he was done with his monologue, he’d betrayed you, the first person to really be on my side I’d met.]

  Their shoulders come down from where they’d been tensing around their ears. [You showed up right when he said you would though, hearing you through the door, I remembered my promise. So I found another way to make him back off, by now, I’ve got it down to a science.] They sniff a little, for a gross second she thinks it’s them being unsatisfied with the outcome. [Then you told me what I’d have to do to leave, like you always did. That wasn’t the last time I tried to run after you, but it was the only time I was scared it was because you’d found out what I did, I wanted to apologize.]

  They shiver and she squeezes them a bit, that had been a lot to put on a kid. [I kinda cried when I couldn’t find you, but I kept going. Cause that’s what I do.] They sigh and take a deep breath. [I was kinda okay with having to kill Asgore for a bit, he’s the one who sent Undyne after me and all. Then I saw his house, learned what happened to Chara and Asriel, I wasn’t okay with it anymore, but I was still going to do it. I thought I had to.]

  Their frown gets a little more intense. [Sans is full of shit sometimes.] Alphys blinks- and may or may not gasp a little- she’s never seen them outright swear before. [He showed up, in the big hallway before the garden and gave a speech about what EXP and LV meant, he said having higher LV made hurting people easier, but he’s a liar, or he doesn’t have much, or maybe it just affects people differently. For me, having a higher LV doesn’t make anything easier. It makes everything harder, it hurts. It’s having a little number in the back of your head, reminding you of all the people you’ve hurt, does that sound like it would make anything at all easier?]

  Alphys shakes her head, she doesn’t have any LV, but she knows how having a reminder of your mistakes hanging around feels. She squeezes them a bit tighter. [I didn’t know how I felt about fighting Asgore after that, but at least it was my decision, under my control. I hadn’t had much control over things before then. I decided to do it.

  [He was so much easier than I expected him to be, it was weird, he wasn’t trying nearly as hard as Undyne had been, or Mettaton, even Papyrus was a harder fight than him. Then, when I was going to deal the final blow, I changed my mind. You, Papyrus, Sans, everybody was counting on him to give them their happy ending, I couldn’t take that from everybody. So I put down the pan, and decided to let him go.]

  Their face darkens again, a real snarl tugging at it this time. That’s _really_ not something Alphys was prepared to see on Frisk’s face, she jumps a little, but they don’t seem to notice. [Then Flowey decided he’d finish the job for me, which is bad enough, but it was supposed to be my decision, it was supposed to be in my hands. I was supposed to be in control for once in my time down there. He stole the souls and tried to boot me out of reality, but I came back, and I came back mad.]

  Alphys thinks she can see a hint of that anger now, but just a hint, the snarl died down into a discontented frown pretty quick, but there’s something in the set of their shoulders that’s hostile but still decidedly Frisk, aggressive and open instead of Chara’s closed off sort. [He was gonna pay for doing that. He never stopped attacking, but I was faster than him, I reached out to each of the souls he’d stolenand told them we could beat him together, they’d have their revenge. We were gonna grind him to a pulp.]

  They give a smirk that Alphys can’t help but find a tad unsettling, [and we did it, we won. I remember him laying there, huge and beaten down, me ready to cave his stupid, malformed face in. Then he cheated.]

  “Cheated? H-how’d he manage that?” She shivers a little, quite unsure if she likes this side of Frisk. The other times she could tell they at least felt bad about what happened, but this time they really sound like they enjoyed it. It kinda sounds like Flowey deserved it, but still.

  [He LOADed the fight to before we’d beaten him.] That smirk slips away, the deep seated frown coming back. “Then he blasted me with all his power at once just to LOAD it again, and again, and again.” They all but spit, “sometimes ripping me apart, sometimes blasting me to ash, it kept happening so fast that they started to blur together into solid pain.” They seem a lot calmer talking about this time. She doesn't know if it's just having talked about dying already, or if Flowey was just that different, they're trembling, but it seems more out of anger than before, “just cause he got us out of there in the end doesn't mean he's not a jerk.”

  Their breath catches and their hands clench. “I mean, he asked me to remember him like he was at the end, but how am I supposed to do that?” Their voice has gotten softer again, more confused than anything else. “How am I supposed to forget how long he spent sitting around taunting me about everything? How am I supposed to forget him tearing me open over and over, on purpose, when I can't even forget any of the rest of it? None of the others would have kept doing it if they just _knew_ they'd done it before, but he kept going, until the anger was gone, until I didn't think I could win anymore. The him that opened the barrier wasn't much better either, the only real difference is he could be reasoned with, and that took some doing. I just... I forgave him, but I think I might still hate him...” They let out a long sigh and Alphys cocks her head at them, “Chara remembers him better than I do, he used to be a good kid, but now...”

  Alphys thinks she might know what's going on with that, but decides to keep quiet for now, until she's sure. They shake their head and hold up their hands again. [Anyway, he told me to call for help again, he thought he had all the souls under control again. I did, cause I was scared, and it hurt, I didn't want to hurt him anymore, I just wanted him to stop.] Their smile comes back a little, gentler than that hard smirk from before, back at least a little bit towards normal, [and someone answered. Flowey didn't notice, cause it wasn't one of the six he'd taken, it was Chara, Chara woke up and took control for a second.]

  Their eyes light up a little as they remember this, it makes Alphys smile. [They reached out with my hand and broke Flowey's magic just by touching it, it was so cool.] Their hands lock up a bit and she can see Chara trying to make them stop talking, a bit of a flush coming to their cheeks.

  “Come on, Frisk, it wasn't that big a deal.” Chara manages to mutter with Frisk's mouth.

  [He was a literal god last time and we couldn't put a scratch on him, but he was closer than we ever saw him the first time and you took him down without barely trying. That's really cool, isn't that cool, Alphys?] Chara huffs and tries to turn their head away, their flush getting a bit deeper at the praise, but Frisk keeps their shared head turned towards Alphys, imploring with their eyes for her to answer. If it looked anything like it does in her head, then she can't rightly lie about it, now can she?

  “Th-that sounds super awesome,” she says, smiling at the turn in mood the conversation has taken again. Chara stops tugging on Frisk's facial expressions, they must be going to sulk. Without them, Frisk's face lights up a bit more, but there's a strain around the edges of their eyes that she recognizes, they're holding something back. She doesn't want to, but they're going to make her ask. “Wh-what happened next?” Their face falls again and they turn away from her a bit.

  [Can't it just stop there, with us winning?] Alphys looks around a moment before gesturing for them to do the same, none of this would be possible if that's where it stopped. They sigh and bury their face against her chest again before looking up to her. [We won, we killed him, but he said he knew we had it in us, we didn't like that. We'd beaten him, and he had to go and turn it around on us.]

  They sigh and sort of half-relax, like someone does when they're resigned to something, whatever happened next apparently happened a lot. [Chara had so many questions, about Asriel, Asgore,] they pause, “Toriel. And I couldn't answer any of them, I didn't have the guts to. Didn't matter much in the end, they got to see what happened later.” Their lip tugs into that half-snarl again, “and Flowey, like it wasn't enough to make beating him feel bad, he dropped us off halfway through the Barrier, the other Souls were gone, I didn't absorb Asgore's, and whatever's letting Chara ride along in mine isn't enough to make me strong enough to break through it.”

  Alphys eyes go wide again, he dropped them _in_ the Barrier. “We were trapped in a tiny room, we couldn't go back underground, couldn't go outside.” They're starting to shake again so she squeezes them. “He left us there, to starve to death if he couldn't beat us. We managed to last about a week, it rained the day after, almost all day, so we had water, but we didn't have anything to eat, had to sleep on the ground there.” Their hands ball against her coat again. “It wasn't fair, none of it was fair. We tried so hard, we didn't even survive everything, and it still wouldn't let us go. Then Sans called, I don't know how he was able to call through the Barrier, maybe that's why it took him so long. It was one-way, he couldn't hear me, but I could hear him.”

  They sniffle, “I tried to get him to hear me, I screamed at him for help, but nothing could get out. He told me about how much of a mess I'd left behind. Mettaton was in charge of everything, which sounds funny hearing someone say it, but it was actually really freaky, he had this thing where if you weren't in his fan club you'd just disappear, I think he was killing people. You were...” they clutch at her tighter, “gone. Everything was wrong and it was all my fault.”

  Alphys pats their head again, she's honestly not all that surprised that having Mettaton running things would be a disaster, or that after finding out Undyne was dead she'd gone through with her old plans. “We wanted Toriel, you, we wanted to go back and fix things. Actually go hang out with Papyrus, find a way to spare Toriel and Undyne. Then, something shifted, Chara did something and I could feel us going back. The things they can do with Determination are incredible. We woke up where we'd started, back before Toriel found us, and swore we'd do better.” They take a deep breath, letting it out with a violent shudder.

  “W-well that's good, isn't it?” Alphys asks, hoping against everything she's heard that things turned out better that time, part of her wants to believe now is that time, but she knows it's not.

  “C-can we stop for now?” They ask, looking up at her with exhausted eyes. “I don't wanna talk about it anymore.” Alphys swallows and nods, they took her through one entire journey, she thinks that's probably way more than enough. If she's perfectly honest, she would really prefer it if they'd stopped after confessing to killing Toriel, but that probably would have done more harm than good. They look relieved and relax against her chest.

  She squeezes them against her, they've really been through a lot, just talking about it seems to have worn them all the way out. “Alphys,” they say quietly, “can we stay the night? I don't think I'll be able to walk home right now.”

  “You sure you don't w-want me to call Toriel to c-come pick you up?” She blinks at them as they bury their face against her coat again, shaking their head.

  “No, I don't wanna wake up somewhere different than we fell asleep.” Alphys frowns at them in understanding, considering what she knows now, she can see how that could be very disorienting, especially if it's somewhere familiar.

  “A-alright, I-I'll sleep on the couch.” They cling to her tighter, “o-or I c-can stay here.” They relax again, their breathing starting to even out.

  “Thank you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord this took forever, I apologize. I've decided each of their sessions will cover one RESET. I've also decided to model the runs after runs people I know have done. If you wanna volunteer a run, hit me up. I've been writing kind of nonstop to get this thing ironed out, so it'll probably be a while again before the next chapter comes.
> 
> Also, yes, this is the first draft, why do you ask?


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